Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Trigger warning for mentions of substance abuse, self harm, and suicide.
Words by Ra Syahirah. Illustration by Zul Zaufishan.
Coping mechanisms: we all have them when faced with stressful or tense situations. Let’s say you’re waiting for an interview. You get anxious and might start to bite your fingernails. Or maybe you’re in an examination room. The deafening silence of not knowing the results makes you stressed out, so your legs begin to bounce up and down. These are just some examples of harmless coping mechanisms. Some would even refer to these as bad habits.
Coping mechanisms are ways for us to relieve or manage internal or external stress. For many people with mental illnesses, we are usually familiar with our coping mechanisms and how we tend to fall prey to unhealthy or harmful ones. Though we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves for our unhealthy coping mechanisms, we should always aim to be a better version of ourselves. Unhealthy coping mechanisms can deteriorate both our mental health and our physical health.
Not many of us can afford therapy to deal with our mental illnesses. Thus, we often resort to dealing with it ourselves. Some people are lucky enough to pick up healthy habits such as exercising while others (myself included) aren’t so fortunate.
One of the many unhealthy coping mechanisms that I picked up due to my mental illness was alcoholism at the age of sixteen. I found that downing spirits would, in turn, lift mine. Whenever I drank, I would feel more relaxed and bubblier – a huge contrast to my sober state. Sober me was anxiety-ridden and constantly angry or upset with life. The high that alcohol provided felt like the perfect solution. The problem with substance abuse, however, is that once we get down from the high, our mental illnesses amplifies. I would wake up after a night of drinking and find myself getting hit by waves of anxiety. Spiralling further into a pit of depression. To curb this, I drank even more. It was a vicious cycle that I struggled to get out of. I was highly dependent on alcohol to the extent that I would need it to help me sleep at night, to guide me through the day in school, and to function while I was at my part-time job.
Another unhealthy coping mechanism that I had was self-harm. Self-harm is common amongst adolescents and I belonged in the percentage of teenagers that partook in it. Those who have never self-harmed would see people like myself as attention-seeking freaks. To which I would respond: maybe we do need the attention. It doesn’t hurt to ask someone who you know has been harming themselves if they are okay. The best way to describe why we self-harm is that it provides us with a false sense of control over our emotions and the situation that we are facing. The physical pain was easier to deal with than our emotional or mental struggles.
Such coping mechanisms are self-destructive behaviours that many with mental illnesses struggle with. Realising that it is self-destructive is a first step to better ourselves. I knew the effects alcoholism and self-harm had on me. I was also suffering from depression and had suicidal tendencies. My harmful coping mechanisms helped me feel like I could keep those tendencies at bay. It was a tough battle for me to fight but I was able to slowly cut down my alcohol intake and celebrated each day that I did not hurt myself.
Don’t get me wrong. I still drink from time to time, but I know my limits and I only drink on special occasions. I’ve learnt to not use alcohol as a coping mechanism for when I’ve fallen into a pit of depression either.
Another factor that has really helped me to get through my lows are my friends. I emphasise the importance of having a good support system because no one should have to battle their mental illnesses alone. Be it your friends or your family, having someone to talk to is so important. It’s tough to open up to someone at first but after a while, you’ll realise that there are more people you know who suffer from mental illnesses as well. We are all in the same boat and it would be nice to have each other’s back once in a while. Find people who will not enable your unhealthy tendencies. But people who can distract you from them or provide you with comfort to get through your episodes.
I’ve also picked up coping mechanisms that aren’t unhealthy such as: watercolour painting, yoga, painting my nails, and meditating. I have found that keeping busy acts as a distraction and can make me feel a sense of accomplishment – a feeling that helps even the slightest bit when I’m experiencing my lows.
Although coping mechanisms serve as a great distraction for us, we need to keep in mind that we should not repress our emotions. Instead, we can channel our energy into something constructive or beneficial for ourselves. We need to remind ourselves that no one is perfect. Relapsing is normal, and it happens to the best of us – even oneself.
My best friend once told me that should I ever come close to relapsing, I need to know that they, along with my other friends, will be there for me. And should I relapse, they would still be there for me and would never think less of me. They would be there to help me get back on my feet. I’d come back stronger than I was before.
As mentioned earlier, a good support system really helps us get through the toughest of times. My friends don’t push me to talk to them about how I’m feeling. Rather, they give me the reassurance that they are there for me should I ever need to talk. They also do not push me to talk about my episodes unless I am comfortable or ready to talk about it.
Should you need someone to talk to, please contact the hotlines below:
Samaritans Of Singapore (SOS): 1800 221 4444
Singapore Association of Mental Health (SAMH): 1800 283 7019
Ra (he/she/they) is a 23 year old queer genderfluid writer whose writing revolves around their life experiences. They believe in using the most readable and accessible language for all to understand (and hopefully resonate with and find comfort in). Ra’s writing can be found on their blog at whoisra.wordpress.com.
Zul (he/they) is a self-taught, non-binary queer artist. They make a bunch of weird noises sometimes. They tend to draw out their original characters a lot, especially to maintain with their emotions and thoughts better. Their Instagram is @zeezee.017 .